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xpcdoojk
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Posted: Wed Jul 26th, 2006 08:34 pm | 1st Post |
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I got this one in an email from one of my horn dog buddies...
Three little ducks waddle into a bar.
"Good afternoon!" the bartender says to the first duck. "What's your
name?"
"Huey," the duck says.
"How's your day been, Huey?"
"Great. Lovely day. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could
a duck want?" said Huey.
"That's nice," said the bartender. He turned to the second duck, "And
what's your name?"
"Dewey," came the answer from duck number two.
"So how's your day been, Dewey?" he asked.
"Great. Lovely day. Been in and out of puddles all day myself. What else
could a duck want?"
The bartender turned to the third duck and said, "So, you must be
Louie?"
"No," she said, batting her eyelashes. "My name is Puddles."
____________________
jc<----- Proud member of the O crew
Let's get it right this time!
pixies from last vacation! http://www.smugmug.com/gallery/8871830_7kVVu/1/596978729_8qQBg
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lynyrd
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Posted: Wed Jul 26th, 2006 08:39 pm | 2nd Post |
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xpcdoojk wrote: I got this one in an email from one of my horn dog buddies...
Three little ducks waddle into a bar.
"Good afternoon!" the bartender says to the first duck. "What's your
name?"
"Huey," the duck says.
"How's your day been, Huey?"
"Great. Lovely day. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could
a duck want?" said Huey.
"That's nice," said the bartender. He turned to the second duck, "And
what's your name?"
"Dewey," came the answer from duck number two.
"So how's your day been, Dewey?" he asked.
"Great. Lovely day. Been in and out of puddles all day myself. What else
could a duck want?"
The bartender turned to the third duck and said, "So, you must be
Louie?"
"No," she said, batting her eyelashes. "My name is Puddles."
Cute. Puddles is a lucky duck 
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lynyrd
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Posted: Wed Jul 26th, 2006 08:41 pm | 3rd Post |
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I finally got my computer fixed
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Catnip
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Posted: Wed Jul 26th, 2006 09:00 pm | 4th Post |
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lynyrd wrote:
Cute. Puddles is a lucky duck
LMAO!!!!!!!!
____________________
48 previous cruises..
Next up: shortie Bahama cruise next month!
Life is a circus
and I'm stuck in the freak tent
Proud non-member of the O-Crew and FOMT
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xpcdoojk
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Posted: Wed Jul 26th, 2006 09:44 pm | 5th Post |
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I hope the bad joke didn't break it!
____________________
jc<----- Proud member of the O crew
Let's get it right this time!
pixies from last vacation! http://www.smugmug.com/gallery/8871830_7kVVu/1/596978729_8qQBg
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lynyrd
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Posted: Wed Jul 26th, 2006 10:57 pm | 6th Post |
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xpcdoojk wrote: I hope the bad joke didn't break it!
Sorry. I wasn't trying to be bad. :oops:
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hstrybuf
Founders
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Posted: Wed Jul 26th, 2006 11:52 pm | 7th Post |
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Lucky Puddles! 
____________________
Deb
Perfect love sometimes does not come until the first grandchild. ~ Welsh Proverb
http://community.webshots.com/user/hstrycrsr
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Catnip
Charter Member
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Posted: Thu Jul 27th, 2006 12:50 am | 8th Post |
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lynyrd wrote: xpcdoojk wrote: I hope the bad joke didn't break it!
Sorry. I wasn't trying to be bad. :oops:
You weren't bad!!!!!!! It was a very cute joke!!!!!!! :dude:
____________________
48 previous cruises..
Next up: shortie Bahama cruise next month!
Life is a circus
and I'm stuck in the freak tent
Proud non-member of the O-Crew and FOMT
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TheWog
Charter Member
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Posted: Fri Jul 28th, 2006 06:42 pm | 9th Post |
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http://www.lifeaftercoffee.com/2006/06/14/my-cubicle-song-lyrics/
____________________
Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
Link me.
Where's my frozen umbrella drink?
Ice cream should be a food group.
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TheWog
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Posted: Fri Jul 28th, 2006 06:43 pm | 10th Post |
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Top Ten Reasons Why Golf Is Better Than Sex.....
>
>
> #10...A below par performance
>
> is considered damn good.
>
>
> #9...You can stop in the middle
>
> and have a cheeseburger
>
> and a couple of beers.
>
>
> #8...It's much easier to
>
> find the sweet spot.
>
>
> #7...Foursomes are encouraged (SWEET!!!)
>
>
> #6...You can still make money
>
> doing it as a senior.
>
>
> #5...Three times a day is possible.
>
>
> #4...Your partner doesn't hire
>
> a lawyer if you play
>
> with someone else.
>
>
>
> #3...If you live in Florida, you
>
> can do it almost everyday.
>
>
> #2...You don't have to cuddle
>
> with your partner when
>
> you're finished.
>
>
> And the number one reason why
>
> golf is better than sex.....
>
>
> #1...If your equipment gets old
>
> and rusty, you can replace it!
____________________
Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
Link me.
Where's my frozen umbrella drink?
Ice cream should be a food group.
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TheWog
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Posted: Fri Jul 28th, 2006 06:44 pm | 11th Post |
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A guy stuck his head into a barber shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours."
The guy left.
A few days later the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looked around at the shop and said, "About 3 hours."
The guy left.
A week later the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looked around the shop and said, "About an hour and half."
The guy left.
The barber turned to a friend and said, "Hey, Bill, do me a favor. Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn't ever come back."
A little while later, Bill returned to the shop.
The barber asked, "So where does that guy go when he leaves?"
Bill looked up and said, "Your house."
Last edited on Fri Jul 28th, 2006 06:45 pm by TheWog
____________________
Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
Link me.
Where's my frozen umbrella drink?
Ice cream should be a food group.
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Catnip
Charter Member
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Posted: Fri Jul 28th, 2006 06:50 pm | 12th Post |
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 LMAO!!!!!!!!!
____________________
48 previous cruises..
Next up: shortie Bahama cruise next month!
Life is a circus
and I'm stuck in the freak tent
Proud non-member of the O-Crew and FOMT
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hstrybuf
Founders
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Posted: Fri Jul 28th, 2006 07:01 pm | 13th Post |
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| And now I'm going to be singing "My Cubicle" all day!
____________________
Deb
Perfect love sometimes does not come until the first grandchild. ~ Welsh Proverb
http://community.webshots.com/user/hstrycrsr
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TheWog
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Posted: Fri Jul 28th, 2006 07:19 pm | 14th Post |
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hstrybuf wrote: And now I'm going to be singing "My Cubicle" all day!
hehehehe
____________________
Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
Link me.
Where's my frozen umbrella drink?
Ice cream should be a food group.
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lynyrd
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Posted: Sat Jul 29th, 2006 02:25 am | 15th Post |
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What would you do?
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hstrybuf
Founders
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Posted: Sat Jul 29th, 2006 01:46 pm | 16th Post |
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| Lynne, I got the red x?
____________________
Deb
Perfect love sometimes does not come until the first grandchild. ~ Welsh Proverb
http://community.webshots.com/user/hstrycrsr
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lynyrd
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Posted: Sat Jul 29th, 2006 10:54 pm | 17th Post |
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hstrybuf wrote: Lynne, I got the red x?
I usually always get a red X. I don't know how else to post it.
If it matters, I think it is really cute. 
If you want e-mail me at lynyrd_62 at sbcglobal.net and I can send it to you. I have another cut one but I don't know if I can put it here
Last edited on Sat Jul 29th, 2006 10:56 pm by lynyrd
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BAMA X 2
Teeny Bopper
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Posted: Sun Jul 30th, 2006 04:13 am | 18th Post |
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$100.00
A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but
nothing happened.
Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00.
When the postal authorities received the letter to God, USA, they
decided to send it to the President.
The president was so amused that he instructed his secretary to
send the little boy a $5.00 bill.
The president thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a
little boy.
The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 bill and sat down to
write a thank-you note to God, which read
Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I
noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington, DC., and those
assholes deducted $95.00 in taxes.
____________________
CRUISERS ARE LOSERS!
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hstrybuf
Founders
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Posted: Sun Jul 30th, 2006 02:19 pm | 19th Post |
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| That kid learned young!
____________________
Deb
Perfect love sometimes does not come until the first grandchild. ~ Welsh Proverb
http://community.webshots.com/user/hstrycrsr
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hstrybuf
Founders
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Posted: Sun Jul 30th, 2006 11:44 pm | 20th Post |
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Two Chimps and a Blonde
A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?"
"Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"
"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problemis I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I'll give you $100 for your trouble."
"I'd be happy to," said the blonde. So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts. Off they went.
Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified!! There was the blonde walking down the street and holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd.
With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde.
"What the heck are you doing here?" he demanded, "I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo."
"Yes, I know you did," said the blonde, "but we had money left over---so now we're going to Sea World!!"
____________________
Deb
Perfect love sometimes does not come until the first grandchild. ~ Welsh Proverb
http://community.webshots.com/user/hstrycrsr
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OceanGirl
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Posted: Mon Jul 31st, 2006 01:56 pm | 21st Post |
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OMG!!!!!!! This is perfect!!!!!!!!! 
After 17 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for his young secretary. His new girlfriend demanded that she wanted to live in the couple's multimillion dollar home, and since the man's lawyers were a little better, he prevailed.
He gave his now ex-wife just 3 days to move out.
She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay.
When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells, dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.
When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for thefirst few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning & mopping and airing the place out Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to visit...Repairmen refused to work in the house...The maid quit..Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.
A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out, and eventually, even the local realtors refused to return their calls. Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.
The ex-wife called the man, and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely, and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back ...Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth...But only if she were to sign the papers that very day.
She agreed, and within the hour, his lawyers delivered the paperwork. A week later, the man and his new girlfriend stood smirking as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home...
..including the curtain rods.
____________________
DOLPHIN- A FREE roaming mammal found throughout the world's oceans. There are no confines large enough to justify CAPTIVITY.
http://www.inkokomo.com/dolphin/captivity.html
http://www.bluevoice.org/Videos/expose.mov
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hstrybuf
Founders
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Posted: Mon Jul 31st, 2006 11:39 pm | 22nd Post |
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| You play, you pay!
____________________
Deb
Perfect love sometimes does not come until the first grandchild. ~ Welsh Proverb
http://community.webshots.com/user/hstrycrsr
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Catnip
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Posted: Tue Aug 1st, 2006 12:41 pm | 23rd Post |
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HA! LMAO!!!!!!! I wish I had thought of that trick during my divorce back in '81!! I would have done it in a second!!!!!!!!
____________________
48 previous cruises..
Next up: shortie Bahama cruise next month!
Life is a circus
and I'm stuck in the freak tent
Proud non-member of the O-Crew and FOMT
|
hstrybuf
Founders
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Posted: Tue Aug 1st, 2006 10:47 pm | 24th Post |
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They Walk Among Us!
Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: "Free to good home. You want it, you take it." For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too untrusting of this deal. It looked to good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: "Fridge for sale $50." The next day someone stole it. Caution... They Walk Among Us!
While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the North?" When my brother explained that the sun rises in the East, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff." They Walk Among Us!
I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific." They Walk Among Us!
My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a convertible, but "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving". They Walk Among Us!
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car it's designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk... They Walk Among >Us!!!!
My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.... They Walk Among Us!!!
I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, "Wouldn't the chain rip out every time she turned her head?" I explained that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned. They Walk Among Us!!!!
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?"... They Walk Among Us!!!!
While working at a pizza parlour I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces. Yep, They Walk Among Us, too!!!!
They walk among us AND reproduce!
____________________
Deb
Perfect love sometimes does not come until the first grandchild. ~ Welsh Proverb
http://community.webshots.com/user/hstrycrsr
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xpcdoojk
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Posted: Wed Aug 2nd, 2006 03:48 pm | 25th Post |
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Here is a good mental challenge.
You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right side is
a sharp drop off, and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the
same speed as you. Directly in front of you is a galloping kangaroo and
your horse is unable to overtake it. Behind you is a lion running at the
same speed as you and the Kangaroo. What must you do to safely get out
of this highly dangerous situation?
If you do not know, see answer below.
Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round!
Last edited on Wed Aug 2nd, 2006 03:49 pm by xpcdoojk
____________________
jc<----- Proud member of the O crew
Let's get it right this time!
pixies from last vacation! http://www.smugmug.com/gallery/8871830_7kVVu/1/596978729_8qQBg
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